My Life Without You
by JM Mavericks
Summary: Paulette is Enjolras' free spirted and very radical little sister. Paulette has faced some life altering experiences, but that doesn't stop her from keeping her head up high and having fun with her friends. It also doesn't stop her from finally being with the one she's always wanted. But as the revolution arises it starts to put a strain on there relatonship. CourfeyracXOC
1. Chapter 1

**AN: Hey everyone this is my first Les Miserables fanfiction. I hope that you all like it. I'm such a big fan of the musical and the play. I really would like to read the book, but I know that I will cry over the all of the boys in the café when it's their time to go :'). Anyway, I hope you like it! Oh and this is movie verse.**

**Disclaimer: I do not own any of the Les Miserables characters except for my character Paulette. I wish I could own Enjolras and Courfeyrac, but I know that Ramin Karimloo, Aaron Tveit and Fra Fee would not want a minor put their hands all over them.**

**Prologue**

3 years earlier

I was walking home from the local bakery. It was my week to go buy the bread. This is how the routine goes when I go to the bakery. I walked down, buy the bread, go back to the café to meet my brother Enjolras, and then we go back home. Plain and simple. It was starting to get dark, and most weren't a lot of people on the street. Hardly any actually. It was very quiet, almost dead. I knew that I had to hurry back to the café. It's not safe for a fourteen year old girl to be walking around the streets in the middle of the night. I fasten my pace a little.

I heard footsteps behind me. I couldn't tell whether I was being followed or not. I quickened my pace a little more and so did the follower. Suddenly I felt a strong hand on my shoulder turn me around. It was a tall dirty man who smelled like he hadn't bathed in weeks.

"Hello sweetheart," the filthy man hissed.

I didn't answer him. I looked down instead.

"What's the matter," he asked with fake sympathy as he tried to lift my chin. I resisted.

"How about you, uh go back with me to my ship? I just sailed in about a couple hours ago. You know us sailor's need a little stoke," he whispered with his hot breath in my ear.

"Mousier, please let me go," I said calmly.

"I don't think so," he told me dangerously. I got free from his hand, but I backed into one of his friends. I turned around to see two other men crowd around me. I was scared to death. I needed to get back to the café. I tried to walk past the two, but they wouldn't let me around them. All three men circled me, and I did the first thing I thought of. I kneed one of them, so hard I think I gave him the inability to have children. That distracted the other two and I ran. I just dropped my bread and basket and ran. The hood of my cloak fell from my head and I could feel the cool air run on my face and escape my brown curls.

"Get the little bitch!" I heard one of them yell. That just caused me to run even faster. My lungs were on fire, but I couldn't stop. I had to keep going I was so close to the café. I saw the corner that I turn. I knew once that I turned that corner the café was only a couple hundred yards away. The men were gaining on me. I tried to run faster I really did, but they caught up to me and grabbed me.

"ENJOLRAS! ENJO-," I screamed out at the top of my lungs for my big brother, but they covered my mouth and my high decibel scream turned into a pathetic muffle under a huge salty hand. They pushed me into an alleyway. All three men appeared again. I was now pinned on the ground with the huge hand still covering my mouth. Tears were welling up in my eyes. I was so terrified. I just wished someone could come rescue me. I wish that someone could hear my muffled screams. I wish that my mom were alive to stroke my hair and tell me that everything would be okay. I wish that my dad were alive to protect me. I just wanted to go home. I wanted to go eat dinner with Enjolras. Instead, I was captured and taken into an alleyway with three scary men. At this point I was sobbing.

"Sweetheart, don't cry," one said fake tone, "It will all be over soon he said as he got on top of me. The man who had his hand over my mouth quickly took it off and I screamed for help at the top of my lungs. The third one quickly gagged me. I was still kicking, fighting and screaming. Trying to do everything in my power to get these horrible men off of me, but all I would get was a slap across the face or a,

"Shut up!"

I felt the man on top of me run his hands under my dress, up my skirt and reached my bloomers and he started to pull them down. My eyes went wide as I kicked the man so hard his nose started to bleed. I tried to sit up only to be pinned down again. I heard a lot of different voices and everything just sounded so jumbled and I couldn't pay attention to what they were saying. Everything was a blur and then I saw a white handkerchief come down on my nose and it was damp. I took a breath and I felt my eyes get heavy. Soon enough I was out.

I finally woke up. I was alone. It was dark, damp, cold and I was alone. I looked at my blue dress. It was all torn and ripped. My long sleeves were now pathetic little straps of fabric hanging from my shoulders. I ran my hand through my curly brown locks when I felt stickiness on my forehead. The stickiness went from my hairline to my temples. I don't know how I started bleeding from my head. I felt so dizzy and tired. I had a headache and I felt so nauseated. I felt something arise in me and turned to the side and emptied the contents of my stomach. After I was finished I wiped my mouth from a piece of my dress that I ripped off and I started to cry. I cried and sobbed for what seemed like hours. That's when I realized that I had to get to the café. I had to get to my brother. My brother. Enjolras. That's when I wave of panic and anger came to me. I panicked because I didn't know whether or not he was out looking for me and anger because I screamed at the top of my lungs. I screamed until those bastards knocked me out. Yet none of my friends came to help me. Not one. Not even my own brother! I needed to get out of this god-forsaken alley. I stood up slowly holding onto the wall. Everything was spinning and blurry. The walls were moving from side to side, tilting up and down with every step that I took. I was freezing. My feet were cold. They took my shoes. My damn shoes. Why the hell would they want to take my shoes? I was still hanging onto the wall heavily breathing trying to keep my balance. I stumbled out of the alley tears streaming down my face. I was so close to the café. I let out a cry of relief and joy. I looked around to see if anyone was around. No one. Dead silent. I walked at a slow pace. Everything was still tilting and teetering around me. The café was so close yet so far away.

Finally, I made it to the café. I stumbled at the door and I just held onto the door knob. I don't know why, but I just stood there hanging onto the knob for what seemed like forever. Then when I felt like I had to go in I opened the door softly and I had my eyes plastered to my dirty scraped feet the entire time. I closed the door and I leaned back on it with my eyes shut and I just took in deep breaths.

"Paulette," I heard Courfeyrac say. No not Courfeyrac. What would he think of me? Courfeyrac would never take me seriously anymore. My chances of being with him are now very low. I opened my eyes slowly. I saw all of my friends looking at me. All of them. I was embarrassed I looked like a mess. How was I supposed to tell a bunch of men especially my own brother that I was raped? Then something came over me. Anger, rage came over me as I saw Enjolras staring at me with worrisome eyes. I looked over at the clock and it was a little after midnight. I was out of it for a few good hours. That's when more anger came over me.

"Where were you?" I asked quietly

"What?" Enjolras asked me. Was he serious?

"Where were you?" I asked again a little louder this time.

"I looked for you Paulette. I just came back from looking for you, Paulette. Where were you?" Enjolras asked me. That made me feel so stupid. So damn stupid. That's when I blew up.

"Where was I? Where were you!? I screamed and cried out for you!" I yelled at Enjolras. I started to walk towards him. Enjolras didn't answer me. He looked shocked and he was looking at me almost as if he were sizing me up. Then he gasped. I looked down and gasped myself. I had blood all over the front of my dress. I was bleeding down there. The given sign that I was raped. I just sobbed so loudly and I kept repeating 'Where were you?' 'Where were you Enjolras?'

Enjolras started for me and he tried to pull me into a hug, but I was so afraid.

"Don't touch me!" I screamed. Enjolras grabbed me by the shoulders and tried to get me to focus on him. I didn't want too. I was so mad at him, mad at the world. I kept fighting him and telling him to let go of me, but he wouldn't.

"Paulette! Paulette calm down! Pauly calm down!" he kept saying to me.

Pauly. He hasn't called me Pauly since mama and papa died. That was two years ago. When he called me Pauly a wave of exhaustion hit me. I silenced instantly when he called me Pauly. Then I looked up at my older brother with glassy eyes and then I got dizzy and my vision blurred and faded. Darkness took over me.

**AN: Okay then that was the beginning of 'My Life without You'. I hoped that you guys liked it and please read and review. OH please leave your comments whether I should continue with this story or not. If so I will put up the poster I have made for this story on my profile. So please review and refrain from flames. Thank you.**

**~JM Mavericks**


	2. Chapter 2

**Author's Note:** Okay so here is the thing. I'll admit it I am a very big procrastinator, but I do have an explanation to why I was taking so long. First I got lazy, second I started getting a lot of homework, third mid-terms came around and I didn't do too good, fourth I made it into our school's musical (my first one!) and lastly I've been juggling a lot and trying to focus on school. Well I don't have to worry anymore, because it is officially summer vacation!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own any of the characters from this beautiful book/musical/movie. I only own my character, Paulette.

**Chapter 2**

(5 months later)

I only walk by myself in the day time now. I am forbidden to walk alone after six, according to Enjolras. It doesn't really bother me. Not anymore at least. When Enjolras first established this rule, oh god I was so embarrassed! I felt like a little kid, but I'm not! I'll be 15 next month. After that whole ordeal it seems like everyone has been treating me differently. They treat me as if I can't fend for myself. I'm not an invalid. I also kind of feel like an outsider, and I know I shouldn't feel that way because my friends have been nothing, but nice to me. But they don't know the pain, the fear, the experience. They don't know what it's like to feel that way. To feel… to feel… I can't even describe it myself. I know I shouldn't feel alone. I have Enjolras, my protector my brother. We made up after our fight that night. He has been with me through thick and thin, and I know that he won't leave me. After that night it took me a little while before I started to come around to the café. In fact I remember the first day I came back, and when I think about it I must've been a real joy to be around.

(Flashback)

"Alright," Enjolras started, "Are you sure you want to go to the café? You can stay at home for another day if you want to," he told me as we were outside of the café.

With a sigh I said, "No, I'll be fine. Just… um… give me a moment." I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.

"Okay, let's go in." I said with feign confidence.

I walked in behind Enjolras. The minute I stepped foot inside to room fell silent. All eyes were on me. I walked to the bar counter and sat on one of the stools. I felt everyone staring at the back of my head.

"What are you all staring at?" Enjolras asked. They all started talking and went back to their business. I felt a hand rest on my shoulder, and I jumped a little bit.

"Relax, it's just me," Enjolras whispered. I was somewhat relieved that it was just Enjolras.

"Are you sure you want to stay. I can take you home right now." Enjolras told me. I felt bad. Enjolras was going to meet somebody about a job and he was already running late. He needed this job badly, so I shook my head no and I whispered, "I'll be fine," with a reassuring smile I said, "Now go. You're running late."

"Okay, I'll be back in a couple of hours," he said reassuringly, "but if you want to go home just ask one of the Amis to take you back to the flat and wait for me there."

"Alright.", I said back. With that he kissed the top of my head and walked out of the café.

The room quieted down and I pulled out my book and started reading. As I tried to read the first line, I just couldn't pay attention to it. You know how you read the words, but you can never get in context with it and you completely forget what you had just read? I was hiding in my hair looking down at the book, just staring at it as if it was written in a complete foreign language. As I was staring down at the page I just let my mind wander. It wasn't going in the right direction, because before I knew it I started thinking of bad memories and worst case scenarios. First, I thought about the other night. The night where I was forced to give myself up and all of myself. To this day I still feel dirty, and whenever I walk down the streets I feel like the whole town stares at me knowing that I was raped. Then I thought about when Mama and Papa died. I was about 13 when they passed on. They both contracted this horrible illness. How ironic that ended up getting this illness at the same time. I remember at one point Enjolras and I put them in the same bed. They died holding hands. Then I started thinking about Enjolras. He really is my hero. He could've sent me to live with our Grandfather or our Aunt and Uncle, but he didn't. I really hope that he gets this job. He really needs this job. We really need this job. Grandfather does send us money, but it's only enough to pay for the flat and a little bit of groceries. If Enjolras gets this job we could get more food on the table, and maybe even pay for half of the flat. Enjolras is too young to be worrying about money and taking care of me. Right now he should be putting ALL of his focus on school and thinking about what he wants to be as an adult, and looking for a girlfriend. He shouldn't have to worry about me. He shouldn't have to worry about making sure that there's enough food on the table while at the same time juggling school and revolutionary meetings. Enjolras is my hero, because of all of the things that he does.

'Please God, let Enjolras have this job,' I prayed silently to myself.

I really need to stop thinking about these thinking about these things. I felt tears start to blur my vision. I started to rapidly blink my eyes. I didn't want anyone to see my crying. Not here. I was pulled from my thoughts when I saw someone sit down next to me out of the corner of my eye.

"Hello Paula."

It was Grantaire. He always calls me Paula instead of Paulette. Why I don't know. I don't mind it really. It actually made me feel normal again. It made me feel special.

"Hi Gran," I replied.

It was silent. He wasn't being the chatterbox that he usually was. Neither was I. When you put us together we talk non-stop. This time we didn't. It felt odd. I heard Gran take a deep breath. I knew he was about to say something. Gran was like a brother to me, I knew him like the back of my hand.

"Listen, Paula. If you ever want to talk about anything, anything at all. You know that I'm here for you."

"Thanks Gran." I said back. It's nice that he is here for me and letting me know that he is here for me, but honestly I don't want Gran to be my confidant right now. I just want Enjolras. I just either want to be alone or be with Enjolras. I know eventually I will get back out there and talk to Gran and the amis some more, but I'm just not ready.

"I've missed you Paula. Things haven't been the same without you," Gran told me as he sipped his wine.

"Things look the same to me around here." I said rather harshly.

"Well you know what I mean." He said back. I did know. I guess I made things fun and interesting around there. At least that was what the amis have told me. I just stayed silent. I really didn't feel like talking at all and I really know that Gran means well. Why did I come here in the first place?

"Gran, you know that I love you. You're like a brother to me, but honestly I really don't want to talk to anyone at the moment," I told him with some closure and finality in my voice.

Gran stayed quiet for a minute, and then said,

"Paula, I'm just trying to help. I'm just trying to let you know that you are not alone."

As he told me that he raised his hand and tried to stroke my hair as he always does. Only this time I screamed,

"GET AWAY FROM ME!" and jumped off of the barstool.

At this point the whole café went silent. All eyes were on me. I felt my face get unbearably hot, and my eyes were starting to form tears. I just cleared my throat, and sat back down trying not to make any eye contact. Grantaire rose from his seat next to me and walked out the door. That's when I lost it. I just started to bawl uncontrollably. I rested my head down on the counter and just cried my eyes out. I just made one of my best friends run away from me.

'I am a monster,' I thought to myself. Here was a person, aside from Enjolras, who actually cared about me and wanted me to get better and I shut him down. I scared him away. Now I want to be comforted. I want someone to hug me. I want someone to stroke my hair and tell me that everything will be alright. I felt strange that one minute the slightest touch scared the living hell out of me, and now it doesn't. I didn't care I was ready to come out of the dark. I was ready to be with friends again. Who am I kidding? I probably scared all of the amis. Or so I thought. I felt someone gently place their hand on my shoulder. It felt comforting. It wasn't rough yet it wasn't weak. It was firm yet ever so gentle. I looked up to see Courfeyrac. His brown eyes were looking down at me with sorrow, but there was also anger. I started breathing heavily and my breaths were becoming ragged. I just threw myself on him. His embrace was so warm and strong. It was like he was my protector. I finally felt safe in the outside world again. Thanks to Courfeyrac.

A few hours later Enjolras came back to pick me up. I was so tired from the day. I wanted to go to sleep. As we were walking out Grantaire walked back in the café. He stood in front of us, and he didn't say a word. Neither did I. Instead I hugged him, and he hugged me back.

"I am so, so sorry," I whispered in his ear.

I kissed his cheek and walked out the door with Enjolras right behind me.

(End of Flashback)

That day I learned a few things. I learned that I should never shut away those who genuinely love and care about me. Besides Grantaire and Courfeyrac the rest of the amis were also there for me that day. I guess when I shouldn't complain when they treat me like I can't fend for myself. The amis just want to protect me and to make sure that I'm safe. Of course it does get a little tiring after a while, but I'm grateful to have them as my protectors. I also learned that Courfeyrac ended up being my Knight in Shining armor. From then I knew I didn't just have a silly school girl crush on him. I am in love with Courfeyrac.

**AUTHOR'S NOTE: **Okay that was the long awaited chapter 2! Whoo-hoo! I hope you all like it and please review :D I would also like to say thank you for everyone who has so far reviewed, favored, or followed this story it really makes me happy :D


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